For you.

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 03:07:45 GMT

You know, I was going to start this blog saying something like "I hate being so fucking loving" but then I realized that I honestly don't. I open my heart willingly to every single fucking one of you. If I could fucking cut my chest open and pull you in to protect you from the fucking world I would.

I read blogs of some of you guys and girls and I honestly get choked. I can't fucking breathe because all I want to do is help you. All I have to offer is love and the utter acceptance that I have. I love you all for who you are. Your mental problems, your social discrepancies, your ways of thinking, your beliefs, your disbeliefs, your worries, your problems, and your decisions both good and bad.

I do my best to never let anyone down. I can't do that. And I won't. I WANT you to come to me when all you want to do is fucking bury yourself in the earth under layers of rock and dirt and hope that no one ever finds you again. Even if all I am to you is a pair of open arms or a listening ear.

Sometimes I can't add anything to your situation. I can't say "Well this is what you should do." and have you listen to me or have it make any real difference in how you feel. Sometimes all I can do is nod and say "uh huh." Sometimes I can't even do that but for fuck's sake I want you all to know that I fucking care.

I won't force you to ever say anything to me. But know this: if you EVER need to talk, to laugh, to kiss, to hold, to fuck, to sing, to walk and stay fucking silent I am ALWAYS there. Whether I'm in the middle of doing something or asleep in the dead of night or even in the middle of one of my own crises.

Don't ever be afraid to come to me and just say "Help me." Just know though that I'm not a mind reader. If you don't tell me what's wrong, I won't be able to fully help you. But also, if you can't fucking say what's wrong, I won't force you to and nor will I dig until you give in. I'm pretty empathic though, so even if you don't say something is wrong, I probably know. Just not the specifics. I know when you smile and your eyes don't shine with it that it's not real. That when you give me a hug and I can't fucking feel your heart beat that you're dead inside and it kills me.

It's an open invitation to you all. Whether you hate me, love me, like me, or don't really even know me. 989 574 6652 is my cell I'm always here and if I don't answer, launch me a message on myspace or .. skizophrenTASTIC or facebook and I'll get to you as soon as I damn well can.

To victory and grace.

-Laurel.

Sonata No. 16: Allegro

For you.